Give and Take

This is from my readings a week or so ago. I was going to post then, but time got away from me...

Oswald Chambers has this to say about receiving the gift God has for us:

THE BOUNTY OF THE DESTITUTE

"Being justified freely by His grace. . ." Romans 3:24The Gospel of the grace of God awakens an intense longing in human souls and an equally intense resentment, because the revelation which it brings is not palatable. There is a certain pride in man that will give and give, but to come and accept is another thing. I will give my life to martyrdom, I will give myself in consecration, I will do anything, but do not humiliate me to the level of the most hell-deserving sinner and tell me that all I have to do is to accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.We have to realize that we cannot earn or win anything from God; we must either receive it as a gift or do without it. The greatest blessing spiritually is the knowledge that we are destitute; until we get there Our Lord is powerless. He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves, we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution. As long as we are rich, possessed of anything in the way of pride or independence, God cannot do anything for us. It is only when we get hungry spiritually that we receive the Holy Spirit. The gift of the essential nature of God is made effectual in us by the Holy Spirit, He imparts to us the quickening life of Jesus, which puts "the beyond" within, and immediately "the beyond" has come within, it rises up to "the above," and we are lifted into the domain where Jesus lives. (John 3:5.)

We are certainly in this place right now and rather than getting better, the situation is slowly worsening. Oswald states that in order to recive the gift, you must be in a place where there is nothing you can do to earn it. That means to me that you pretty much need to be out of resources with no way to get more under your own power.

This is where Henry Blackaby steps in:

THE GIFT OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Yet I considered it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother, fellow worker, and fellow soldier, but your messenger and the one who ministered to my need. (Philippians 2:25)Some people know just what to say and do to encourage others who are going through difficult times. Their words give strength to those who are discouraged and comfort to those who are grieving. These people are sensitive to God’s voice. They are not self-centered or unaware of the struggles of those around them. They are the ones we immediately seek when we enter a crisis. They are welcome visitors when we are in distress, for their presence sustains us.Scripture testifies of many whom God enabled to encourage others. When Moses was overwhelmed_by his work, Jethro went to him and encouraged him. Jethro gave Moses wise counsel that eased his strain (Exod. 18:1–27). When Paul was imprisoned far from those who loved him, Epaphroditus risked his health and safety in order to go to Paul and minister to him (Phil. 2:25–30). Later, Paul urged Timothy to come and visit him, for Paul found strength and encouragement in Timothy (2 Tim. 4:9; Phil. 2:19–20). Paul asked Timothy to bring Mark also. Mark was the kind of friend Paul needed when he was enduring hardship (2 Tim. 4:11; Philem. 24). Paul also relied on Luke for encouragement. When everyone else was absent or preoccupied, Luke could be found with Paul (2 Tim. 4:11). Paul experienced trials throughout his life, but God sustained him by placing godly friends around him who provided support in practical and sacrificial ways.

It is a give and take relationship after all. In order to support and help someone, there must be a need. The needer must be willing to acknowledge their need in order to receive the help, and the giver must be bold enough to offer. It is so amazing the way God provides the perfect place, time and circumstances for all of this to line up and come together for the mutual benefit of both the giver and receiver. I am humbled to be on the receiving end of all, that those we are close to, are providing. I am humbled to be used as a tool in order that others may be obedient to the Lord's prompting, whether it is in providing prayer, a job, or simply a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. The practical and the sacrificial. I love you all, and I love our mighty God and the lessons he has for us all in our separate journeys toward becoming more like Him...

"I will praise the name of God with a song,

and will magnify him with thanksgiving."

Psalm 69:30

Psalm 77

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.

Selah

You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
"Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Selah

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Jacqui read this aloud last night at the end of practice. The night before I just knew there could be nothing in the Bible to ease my pain and express what I was feeling. I couldn't even muster the energy to look. But God is sovereign, and he will supply the very words we need, even when we seem incapable of finding them on our own...Has he supplied words for you recently?

One Long Scream

We read Movement 6 in Velvet Elvis this evening. For a long time I have marveled at how much God sustains me in times of trouble. He is my only true hope. The one I know will never forsake me. I have often wondered aloud how difficult it must be for people to go through difficult/tragic/hopeless kinds of experiences without the Lord as their sustenance. It must be like childbirth without childbirth education--one long scream.

I have also been realizing lately, that we don't have to wait for heaven, because it is here.

Rob Bell puts it this way:
"For Jesus, eternal life wasn't a state of being for the future that we would enter into somewhere else; it is a quality of life that starts now. Eternal life then is a certain kind of life I am living more and more now and will go on forever. I am living more and more in connection with God, and I will live connected with God forever."

But, tonight another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Just like we don't have to wait for heaven, neither must we wait for hell.

"Now if there is a life of heaven, and we can choose it, then there's also another way. A way of living out of sync with how God created us to live. The word for this is hell: a way, a place, a realm absent of how God desires things to be."

This would be the one long scream. Life without Yeshua...

Faith

It always fascinates me how the two devotionals that I read fairly regularly can interact with each other. Today's Experiencing God was basically about knowing your enemy, and then Oswald Chambers was talking about Faith.

FAITH

"Without faith it is impossible to please Him." Hebrews 11:6

Faith in antagonism to common sense is fanaticism, and common sense in antagonism to faith is rationalism. The life of faith brings the two into a right relation. Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual; of impulse and inspiration. Nothing Jesus Christ ever said is common sense, it is revelation sense, and it reaches the shores where common sense fails. For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principle which always puts Jesus Christ first - Lord, Thou hast said so and so (e.g., Matthew 6:33), it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy word.

Today I went to the military pay site to find out what our end of month (EOM) pay will be even though payday is not actually until Wednesday. I don't usually (in fact EVER) check this, but for some reason I did. I mean our pay is always within a couple of dollars the same each paycheck, but since this is the LAST one, I just wanted to see if it would be the same. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the little box marked EOM and saw........$0.00! Now, I don't know exactly what this means just yet, and I am sure Mark will be able to find something out today, but I write all of this to just say, that I am amazingly unruffled by it. I am sure God has some greater purpose than money in bringing me to this discovery this morning. He is continuing to stretch us, and even though it is a bit scary, (well more than a bit) there is also some weird part of me that wants to know, "Okay, how much can we really handle? How much do we REALLY believe that God can take us through?" I am scared just writing this because I have learned that God will often take you to those scariest places to see what you're made of. Will we pass the test? What if we crumble? I don't know, but I fear He is looking to see who and what we are relying on. Could it be....faith?

I pray Lord, that we are strong in our faith, not so that we won't suffer unduly, but because it is pleasing to you. You try us and test us, not so that we can go about boasting of how we passed the test, but so that we gain greater insight into YOUR character, YOUR love for us, YOUR power and glory in our lives. I love you, Lord, and I go into this day with joy in my life and in my steps. You are God Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth. I feel your presence here today and every day! Thank you for blessing us so abundantly...

Old Into New

"Why does not God reveal Himself to me?" He cannot, it is not that He will not, but He cannot, because you are in the road as long as you won't abandon absolutely to Him. Immediately you do, God witnesses to Himself, He cannot witness to you, but He witnesses instantly to His own nature in you.

I read this in today's reading of My Utmost to His Highest. Once again, I receive a revelation that I had not previously known in quite the same way as I do today. I think that is one of the most amazing things about this ongoing journey with our Father.

When we are not in tune with the Father, he cannot reveal himself because his nature is not in us. That fills me with amazement somehow. I definitely remember glimpses of God before I came to a relationship with him, but I never got more than that. The more we delve into him, the more he can reveal to us. That excites me and gives me the desire to know him ever more deeply. He is never done. I am never there. Just when I may least be expecting it, he reveals something new to me. And it is not usually something that I NEVER thought of, just never thought of and got in quite this way. He takes old thoughts and makes them new. And that is very cool...

Just some Sunday morning thoughts...

Never a Dull Moment!

So subbing continues to provide me with amusing anecdotes. The latest goes something like this...

I'm in a second grade classroom, circulating as I check students work. An absolutely adorable little girl looks up at me with her angelic eyes and announces:

"I HAVE LICE IN MY HAIR!"

I of course, immediately take a step back.

She continues, "Lice is not good for my hair."

At this point I am trying hard not to laugh out loud. As I continue to take tiny steps backward, I reply to her, "You are right, lice is not good for ANYONE'S hair." She resumes practicing the letter X.

So there you have it folks, another day in the life of the Coolest Substitute EVER. It doesn't get any better than this! (Unless of course, you count dinner with Melanie and the Mormon boys. But that's another story altogether. Or was it all different?)

My Utmost for His Highest---October 3

"This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting." Mark 9:29

We must be able to mount up with wings as eagles; but we must also know how to come down. The power of the saint lies in the coming down and the living down. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me," said Paul, and the things he referred to were mostly humiliating things. It is in our power to refuse to be humiliated and to say - "No, thank you, I much prefer to be on the mountain top with God." Can I face things as they actually are in the light of the reality of Jesus Christ, or do things as they are efface altogether my faith in Him, and put me into a panic?

I will not panic, Lord! Well...I'm trying not to panic, Lord...I will rely on you, my Savior. Show me how to direct my thoughts to you and away from the worries of this world. Focus me, Father, on your goodness and your mercy and your love...You ARE goodness, mercy, and love, and You KNOW the plans you have for me and mine. I will trust in you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the understanding I have of that love.

Run, Forrest, Run

Jessi and Alex had their first Cross Country meet on Tuesday. They rocked! They prevailed by one point. They have another meet today around 3:30. Come watch them run (and possibly spew as well..."If you're gonna spew, spew in this!") There was much spewing and falling out on Tuesday. Of course it is not quite as hot, and they will be over the first meet jitters as well.

Please come, I am sure they would love the support!

Duck, Duck, Goose

This is my life...

20 six year olds,

50 mph winds,

playing duck, duck, goose with beanbags on their heads...

Life is a laugh!

Aren't They Beautiful?

We spent an awesome day today squiring our niece, Katie, around California. We managed to do the Napa Valley, the Old Faithful geyser (cheesy but still very cool), the Redwoods, and the Pacific Ocean. It's a full day, but worth it. Mark is trying to convince Katie to transfer to UC Davis, and after today, I think she' s considering it! She begins her training with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) on Monday. She will train in the Tenderloin District in S.F. for 3 months and then head to Asia, either Thailand or Vietnam. God has a hold of her right now, and we are praying she will be used mightily. Her opportunity for personal growth is huge as well. Please keep her in prayer over the next 6 months! I've linked Katie's trip blog in my links. Feel free to check it out, she's an awesome writer!

Blind Bumps

You know what I'm talking about. Those completely IRRITATING, bone jarring, drink spilling bumps that are in front of every store now. There is no way around them. You can try to take a huge detour, but then you just confuse and tick off the driver who was not expecting you to cross there. I have developed an almost neurotic, physical aversion to these things. I literally have to take my hands OFF the cart and push it across by itself, or it just completely freaks me out. I initially thought they were invented to shake the raindrops off the carts as they are pushed back into the store. Then I found out that they were actually placed there so that blind folks would not step blindly (sorry) into traffic. Okay, I can understand that. But did the inventor also realize that they would cause all manner of things to fall out of cart, purse, and hands (if you leave your hands on the cart) too? I have spilled at least 6 drinks to date. Now I just grab my drink, give the cart a mighty shove, and hope that I can catch it on the other side. Anybody else freaking on this?

I want the phone to ring tomorrow cause I need the work, but I'm shaking in my shoes at this point. Will they like me? Will they behave? It's been an awful long time since I was in the classroom...Will they think I'm cool? Jessi and Zack have been coaching me on coolness. Will I remember all they've said?

SUSIE, JUST BE WHO I MADE YOU TO BE.

Yes, God, I hear you...

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderul, I know that full well."

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Back to Work I Go...

Monday morning, I return to work. Hopefully, anyway. My paperwork is in, and I am officially back in the employ of the Travis Unified School District. Mixed feelings about that really. On the one hand, I am excited to see how the new and improved Susie will do with classrooms full of students. The truth is that I am not the same person that hated teaching 5 1/2 years ago. My life has been filled and enriched by other people's children lately, and I am looking forward to putting into play all that I have learned from them. (You totally know who you are!)

I've learned that patience really IS a virtue, and compassion goes a long way. Pick your battles? You bet.

On the other hand, my two month season of slow is coming to an end. Who would have ever thought that out of the blue, God would just bless Mark and I with two months off at the same time? I guess it would be different if it had been planned or something, but the fact that it wasn't, makes it even more of a gift. The time that I have had to simply relax has been good on so many levels. There's been time to build and maintain relationships. I've re-acquainted myself with reading just for the pleasure of reading. A system for paying bills and balancing checkbooks is in place, dinner is being enjoyed once more as a family, and the afternoon nap is definitely back in play. It will be hard to give up the naps, but hopefully everything else can be maintained!

I return to work filled with gratitude for the time I've been given and anticipation for what the future holds. God is good always, and as long as I walk with Him and He with me, life is worth the living!

So...I've got THAT going for me...which is nice!

My Man

Lives intertwined from the beginning.

Born one year and one day apart.

Seven and eight years old, sand box, Hook Rd Elementary. Puerto Rico

Eight year old teaching boy noises to seven year old. Unsuccessfully.

Eighteen/Seventeen, separate paths. Brief encounter.

College, Air Force, Army...More College.

Twentyfour/Twentyfive fishing, St John's River. Tan legs in tennis shorts and bathing suits.

Twentyfive/Twentysix united as one in Holy Matrimony. God?

Biking, Golf, Tennis. Playing pool in FL Keys. Strong hands sinking the eight ball.

Baby cements family. No longer children. Parents. Tenderness, overwhelming.

Travel, Philippines, Earthquakes.

Stateside again. Ft Walton Bch. Friendships, career changes.

Another baby. Family complete?

GOD!

More travel, Japan, diving down. Trust.

California. More, deeper. Forever relationships.

Retirement, Peace, Changes, Excitement.

Tomorrow? Together. I love you...

Seasons of Slow

Ah, this season of slow that I am experiencing right now. I don't know why, but I guess I thought that if I ever had more than a day or so off, I would wake up each morning filled with unbearable excitement because I was not at work. Instead, it is a quiet, contented sort of feeling. I still occasionally panic with the thought of what I should be doing, only to slow down again with the realization that I should not be doing ANYTHING, except building relationship with those I love.

This morning I spent 3 hours with a friend, lifting weights, doing the elliptical, crunching on the Ab Lounger. Yesterday, in the same room, (which the Lord has blessed my husband with time to create in HIS season of slow) four of us engaged in conversation revolving around the devotional reading from DaybyDay. Almost every afternoon, a friend calls me on her way home from work and we talk about everything under the sun. There is a house where I know if I pop in around lunch time, I will find another friend nursing her little one on her lunch hour, a ranch where I enter without knocking to be embraced by those inside. Three mornings a week, I rise before light to hike with mothers and daughters. I love the freedom to give time to those I love.

I know that this season will come to an end soon, but rather than spending a whole lot of time dreading that, I just find myself being so grateful for the time that God has blessed me with.
How does this picture relate to all of this. These two are friends and even now, they are giving time to each other and to 3 others that they love. They are learning the value of slowing down to really come to KNOW each other. I praise God for this ability to love and grow relationship with which He has gifted us human beans. Our lives are intertwined and strengthened as we seek each other out. Young shoots, strong roots, and the fruit that results from it all...

TOUCH

I feel your touch, my friends,

the spontaneous song of your love for me.

It sounds with a soft tap, a playful swat, a pure embrace.

And in Your silent tones You sing of the Spirit's tie.
Here we stand together,

our union in His kingdom displayed by thoughtful hands,

the bond in the work shown by the closeness of our walk,

And in this chilly, violent world,

we warm and guard ourselves with the other's care,

throwing off our fears in playful games of silly rest.
Yet in the deepest cavity of our heart,

the place where feelings pass the realm of words,

we simply savor the gifts of our loving God.

Let us now share His music,

the unspoken chords and the fluid melodies,

the mysterious power to draw our spirits near,

and pull us toward the One who brought us close.

Ray McAllister

It's a focus thing really...about last Sunday I mean...I love you all!

Heart Strings

I said good-bye to a piece of my heart yesterday.
How do you process that?
I have remained fairly unemotional to this point.
Am I stuffing things?
Will I cry more tomorrow?
Will I ever cry like everyone else?
Is it just because I've done this so much in my life, that I just deal with it?
I KNOW how much I love them.
Life literally will not be the same without them here. The past five and a half years are filled with the precious memories of life with the McDaniels. How blessed am I to have worked with Brian, and how gracious was God to have removed me before I had to experience his missing presence. How blessed am I to have had the time to spend with Candace this past week. Just many little unexpected times together, both alone and with others. Girlfriend time! How blessed were our children to have spent the entire weekend together. Eating, sleeping, breathing next to one another. God is so good. And yes, as I feel the tears begin, I am dealing with it. The tears I shed are tears of pain, but of new growth and healing as well. As Jessi so aptly put it, "It's time for them to bring good times to others." They will continue to be a part of the rest of my life. They have had eternal impact on me and mine,
and that makes God GLAD!

Wow, I told you the future was bright

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

Wow, when I renamed my blog, No Turning Back, a month or so ago, how could I have known how that would take shape in my life. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks, but didn't we pray for that during our 40 days of prayer? Didn't I myself inscribe all over the wall, "God, please don't let us accept the status quo?" We have many times heard the words, "Be careful what you pray for." God always answers prayer, and His answer is ALWAYS HIS ANSWER. Despite the fact that my world has been turned in a completely new and unexpected direction, I can't help but feel excited and anticipatory. Yes, I don't have a job, and we are not attending church, which pretty much completely wipes MY brain clean, but the future is so bright right now with the promise of our Savior in our lives, that my eyes are in perpetual squint mode. WE (Mark & I) have sought the Lord, and He has answered us. He has removed the scales from our eyes, and we are seeing many things so much more clearly than we ever have. When we begin to stray from the surety of the decisions we have made, He is faithful to reassure us with a piece of His Word, or with a conversation from so far out in left field, that it can only be Him. After all, who but only God, would have Mark and I cleaning out our offices in the SAME WEEK! You have just got to see Him up there laughing right along with us. There has been much laughter, some anxiety, a bit of persecution, and sadness over the last couple of weeks, but overriding it all, is great joy in knowing that I love God and He loves me, and really, that is enough. He is enough, and all of the trappings that we have packaged Him in are falling away and revealing just that. I am at the point where loving him and loving each other are enough. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that we are closer to letting Him direct us than we have ever been before, and that feels really BRIGHT.

For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. Psalm 48:14