Heart Strings

I said good-bye to a piece of my heart yesterday.
How do you process that?
I have remained fairly unemotional to this point.
Am I stuffing things?
Will I cry more tomorrow?
Will I ever cry like everyone else?
Is it just because I've done this so much in my life, that I just deal with it?
I KNOW how much I love them.
Life literally will not be the same without them here. The past five and a half years are filled with the precious memories of life with the McDaniels. How blessed am I to have worked with Brian, and how gracious was God to have removed me before I had to experience his missing presence. How blessed am I to have had the time to spend with Candace this past week. Just many little unexpected times together, both alone and with others. Girlfriend time! How blessed were our children to have spent the entire weekend together. Eating, sleeping, breathing next to one another. God is so good. And yes, as I feel the tears begin, I am dealing with it. The tears I shed are tears of pain, but of new growth and healing as well. As Jessi so aptly put it, "It's time for them to bring good times to others." They will continue to be a part of the rest of my life. They have had eternal impact on me and mine,
and that makes God GLAD!

Wow, I told you the future was bright

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

Wow, when I renamed my blog, No Turning Back, a month or so ago, how could I have known how that would take shape in my life. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks, but didn't we pray for that during our 40 days of prayer? Didn't I myself inscribe all over the wall, "God, please don't let us accept the status quo?" We have many times heard the words, "Be careful what you pray for." God always answers prayer, and His answer is ALWAYS HIS ANSWER. Despite the fact that my world has been turned in a completely new and unexpected direction, I can't help but feel excited and anticipatory. Yes, I don't have a job, and we are not attending church, which pretty much completely wipes MY brain clean, but the future is so bright right now with the promise of our Savior in our lives, that my eyes are in perpetual squint mode. WE (Mark & I) have sought the Lord, and He has answered us. He has removed the scales from our eyes, and we are seeing many things so much more clearly than we ever have. When we begin to stray from the surety of the decisions we have made, He is faithful to reassure us with a piece of His Word, or with a conversation from so far out in left field, that it can only be Him. After all, who but only God, would have Mark and I cleaning out our offices in the SAME WEEK! You have just got to see Him up there laughing right along with us. There has been much laughter, some anxiety, a bit of persecution, and sadness over the last couple of weeks, but overriding it all, is great joy in knowing that I love God and He loves me, and really, that is enough. He is enough, and all of the trappings that we have packaged Him in are falling away and revealing just that. I am at the point where loving him and loving each other are enough. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that we are closer to letting Him direct us than we have ever been before, and that feels really BRIGHT.

For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. Psalm 48:14