I like knowing things...

This is a picture of my boss looking through the MicroPET II

Today I toured the Center for Molecular and Genomic Imaging (CMGI) which is in the basement of our building. Simon, my boss, is the director. It was very cool. There are various imaging machines down there such as CT scanners, the MicroPET II (which Simon holds the patent on), Optical scanners, and ultrasound. I learned about such extraordinary things as functional vs. anatomical modalities, flood histograms, in vivo functional imaging, and mouse phantoms, to name just a few. There is a cyclotron down there also. A cyclotron is a type of particle accelerator. Cyclotrons accelerate charged particles using a high-frequency, alternating voltage (potential difference). A perpendicular magnetic field causes the particles to spiral almost in a circle so that they re-encounter the accelerating voltage many times. Cyclotron beams can be used to bombard other atoms to produce short-lived positron-emitting isotopes suitable for PET (positron emission tomography) imaging, which is mainly what our lab does research on.

Anyway, it was all just more pieces of the puzzle that make up my new job. At first it was really hard to say all of these things let alone have even a clue about what any of it meant, but slowly but surely I am beginning to absorb stuff. Between editing research articles and dissertations, and things like today's tour, my knowledge base is growing.

I like knowing things...

Finally, a tea made just for ME!

Funny things about....

I've noticed that I have some funny habits when it comes to Starbucks. For instance, without fail, I say out loud after every first sip, "That is fairly tasty!" It doesn't matter if I am alone or with someone, if I don't say it, I at least think it. Funny.

The other thing I do, is line up my java jacket. The little circular starbucks logo on the java jacket, has to be exactly on top of the one on the cup. And then the sip hole has to be exactly in the middle of that.

Anyone else have any weird Starbucks hangups?

Lilies from Julia

This is the second time grad student, Julia, has brought me lilies from her garden. Aren't they beautiful?

I'm blessed...

Gratitude

I was reading about gratitude in Reader's Digest (been a loyal subscriber since I was a teen), and I thought, "I am going to start posting about things I'm grateful for." They might be BIG things or little things, but just being aware of what you are grateful for on a day to day basis is pretty good. So here goes for today...

David Crowder's new CD blasting out of the speakers on my way to work...

Just enough time to stop by Starbucks for a mocha...

The three white lilies (oh so fragrant) that a grad student picked for me in her garden this morning (just in time, as my storebought flowers from two weeks ago, were just about done).

What are you grateful for today?

To be continued...

God is good...

Here is what I do know for sure.

God is good, but that doesn't mean He owes me something.
Even when I am doing the right thing, He doesn't owe me anything.
There is no dance I can perform to get what I want/need from Him.
He knows our needs.
He knows our hearts.
I want to respond in faith, not fear.

I'm borrowing these words from someone's blog. I don't know them and they don't know me, but the words were just so full of truth, and they seemed to come straight from where I am...

Still sad...but so blessed.

Today we celebrated the life of a beautiful man, Jim Scheuermann. He had the purest soul. His wife, Julia, children, Kyle, Karissa, and Savannah, will carry him in their hearts forever, as will we all.

Jim, you touched so many, and you leave behind "shoes" that will be impossible to fill, but in dying, you have taught us so much about living. Truly, we will attempt to honor you by striving to simply be more like you.

Til we meet again...

I'm sad...

Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Khalil Gibran

I love my friends...I love that I have such GOOD ones...that's all.

I got the job...:)

Psalm 65:1-13
Praise is due to you,
O God, in Zion;
and to you shall vows be performed,
O you who answer prayer!
To you all flesh shall come.
When deeds of iniquity overwhelm us,
you forgive our transgressions.
Happy are those whom you choose and bring near
to live in your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house,
your holy temple.
By awesome deeds you answer us with deliverance,
O God of our salvation;
you are the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas.
By your strength you established the mountains;
you are girded with might.
You silence the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
the tumult of the peoples.
Those who live at earth's farthest bounds are awed by your signs;
you make the gateways of the morning and the evening shout for joy.
You visit the earth and water it,
you greatly enrich it;
the river of God is full of water;
you provide the people with grain,
for so you have prepared it.
You water its furrows abundantly,
settling its ridges,
softening it with showers,
and blessing its growth.
You crown the year with your bounty;
your wagon tracks overflow with richness.
The pastures of the wilderness overflow,
the hills gird themselves with joy,
the meadows clothe themselves with flocks,
the valleys deck themselves with grain,
they shout and sing together for joy.

Which Way?

Is the Lord Jesus Christ being abundantly satisfied in your life or have you got a spiritual strut on? Never let common sense obtrude and push the Son of God on one side. Common sense is a gift which God gave to human nature; but common sense is not the gift of His Son. Supernatural sense is the gift of His Son; never enthrone common sense. The Son detects the Father; common sense never yet detected the Father and never will. Our ordinary wits never worship God unless they are transfigured by the indwelling Son of God. We have to see that this mortal flesh is kept in perfect subjection to Him and that He works through it moment by moment. Are we living in such human dependence upon Jesus Christ that His life is being manifested moment by moment?

Oswald Chambers

So, I am right now being pulled in a couple of directions.

I have made it through the second round of interviews with a major electrical/datacommunications supply company for the position of receptionist/general office manager. The company is reputable, there is room for advancement, and the pay will allow us to pay our bills and get a new vehicle for Mark, but any other projects on the horizon would have to be put on hold yet again.

On Monday, I submitted an application for a position with the Solano Board of Education for the position of Executive Assistant to the Superintendent. It would combine all of the skills I have acquired both in education and administration. Almost tailor made for me. Although I have not yet been called for an interview, I felt really good about the application process. AND, the pay is such that all of our financial concerns would cease to exist.

The question I have been battling is: "What if Rexel offers me a job, and then the Solano Board of Education calls?" I've pondered this a great deal (you know how I like to ponder) and have sought outside advice, and the answer I have gotten most is that I have to think of my family first, and even if I take the first job, if something better comes along, I should take it. It is tempting to believe this, but deep within myself I have felt that if I take the job with Rexel, I am making a commitment that should be honored for at least as long as it would take to repay them for the time/money spent to orient and train me. It will be different if the job just doesn't work out, or other circumstances intervene, but I shouldn't just trade one for the other because the pay is better.

I called my sister, Becki, this morning, and just basically laid it all out for her. I told her of the two jobs, and the advice that seems overwhelmingly in favor of quitting one for the other if necessary. Her response was, "What does God say about this?" Without hesitation, I replied, "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no."

Common sense would dictate, that all other things being equal, I take the job that offers the most money, even if I have already begun a different job. But as Oswald Chambers so eloquently points out, common sense is not the gift of His son, Supernatural sense is the gift of his son. Yes, from a worldly point of view, I would be foolish to not take the higher paying position, even at the cost of letting the lower one down. However, if I am indeed transfigured by the indwelling Son of God, it would not be the right thing to do.

All of this to say, that this morning I was able to be completely honest about the dilemma I am facing, both to myself, and to the branch manager with whom I was interviewing. No decision on either job has yet been made. Heck, I haven't even been called for an interview for the executive assistant job. However, I am at peace that if and when the time comes for a decision, my yes will be yes, firmly. I have gotten out of the way, so that God can get to work. It may be that neither of these jobs is for me, but still, the lesson, I think, has been learned. Peace is a good feeling...

Sweet Sixteen

He IS a sweet boy...

Happy Birthday, BeauBeau!

The Boys of Summer

Nobody on the road

nobody on the beach

I feel it in the air

the summer's out of reach

Empty lake,

empty streets

the sun goes down alone

I'm drivin' by your house

Though I know you're not home

But I can see you

Your brown skin shinin' in the sun

You got your hair combed back and

your sunglasses on, baby

And I can tell you

my love for you will still be strong

after the boys of summer

have gone

SANCTIFICATION

Oswald Chambers

"Of Him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us . . . sanctification." 1 Corinthians 1:30

The Life Side. The mystery of sanctification is that the perfections of Jesus Christ are imparted to me, not gradually, but instantly when by faith I enter into the realization that Jesus Christ is made unto me sanctification. Sanctification does not mean anything less than the holiness of Jesus being made mine manifestly.
The one marvellous secret of a holy life lies not in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfections of Jesus manifest themselves in my mortal flesh. Sanctification is "Christ in you." It is His wonderful life that is imparted to me in sanctification, and imparted by faith as a sovereign gift of God's grace. Am I willing for God to make sanctification as real in me as it is in His word?
Sanctification means the impartation of the Holy qualities of Jesus Christ. It is His patience, His love, His holiness, His faith, His purity, His godliness, that is manifested in and through every sanctified soul. Sanctification is not drawing from Jesus the power to be holy; it is drawing from Jesus the holiness that was manifested in Him, and He manifests it in me. Sanctification is an impartation, not an imitation. Imitation is on a different line. In Jesus Christ is the perfection of everything, and the mystery of sanctification is that all the perfections of Jesus are at my disposal, and slowly and surely I begin to live a life of ineffable order and sanity and holiness: "Kept by the power of God."

I am currently on a journey of discovering who I really am in Christ. Not who my neighbor thinks I should be, or my best friend, or the church, or anyone else. It is very difficult to let go of what others think this looks like. I have let others influence my journey with Jesus in too many ways, and the real tragedy in that, is that it is very difficult to hear HIS voice through all of the clamor. Don't get me wrong, it is clamor that I have allowed. It has not been forced upon me, because I have a choice in whether I will be forced. The fallout of listening to so many human voices, is that now I have trouble discerning God from all the others. I WANT to trust what He is saying to me, but it is clouded by the other influences.

But I will tell you, when I do trust, and I let myself hear Him, it is quite wonderful!

07-07-07

It's a boy!

Ten little fingers and toes,

Eyes locked on mine as he nurses.

Little cotton nightgowns made by Grammy.

1st Christmas, Daddy in Panama.

Learns to walk in the Philippines.

Mt. Pinatubo!

Preschool, Kindergarten, in Ft. Walton Bch.

Golf clubs cut down by Grandaddy, just his size.

Learns to fish and kneeboard.

A new sister!

Okinawa, snorkeling, soccer, and baseball...

Friends, Kevin and Jason.

4th grade, move to California.

More soccer, church, more friends, Brad & Michael.

Jr. High, Chris, High School, pilot!!!

You are 18 today, and my heart is full to bursting.

Daddy & I love you, Zack, and we are so very proud of the man you've become...

Happy Birthday, Zachary Tyler Helton!

So, you remember a few posts back when I mentioned my Grandma's chocolate cake? Well, Zack and Jessi came home from Florida this morning, and you'll never guess what they had, oh so carefully packaged, in their suitcase. That's right. My grandma REALLY loves me. Fluffy white cake, dark chocolate, crunchy, fudgy icing... Yummmmmm...

I LOVE my new iPod!

And I LOVE Alex Crockett's generosity, and I LOVE Alex's music, and I LOVE...well, I just love it! It's like when I finally got my new Chuck Taylors and entered the "cool" world. Now I have the oh so cool, white earphones hangin' from my ears. YEAH!

PS I just bought a new 48 count box of poptarts yesterday, Alex...:)

Flip Flops: Old Navy

Tattoo: Suisun Ink

:-)

Steve, now that you're an old man, I guess you are just going to have to start behaving a bit more RESPONSIBLY, eh?

We love you, my friend!

Quote of the Week (continuing thoughts from yesterday)

"The church is the only place where you can study all your life and never graduate."

(See rest of article here if interested: http://www.thereporter.com/faith/ci_6158381 Not a perfect article, but some things good to chew on, others to perhaps spit back out.)

One of Mark's observations last summer when we were going through everything we were going through, was that it felt very much like we "had graduated" from what we were leaving. This was not meant to offend anyone (although it did), but simply the truth of what he was feeling. Church in a traditional setting can become so comfortable, that you don't want to leave. We all know at least one "perpetual college student". You know, the person who never graduates, just keeps going to college, has several degrees, but never really accomplishes very much outside of those walls.

The church is (and has been for us) a wonderful place to grow up in the Lord. We could never discount the role that it has played in our spiritual growth. AND, I gotta make it very clear, that there are those who have continued to love and be in communication with us through the past year. Brothers and sisters who care about what is happening in our lives, whether spiritual or otherwise. We have grown through this together, our relationship has changed in the where and when, but we continue to love, communicate, and learn from each other. It has not always been easy and/or immediate, but it has been awesome.

I think where the problem lies, is that just like a college/university/seminary etc., there are those who stay, to continue to teach and nourish students, but there are many more who just sit, continuing to be taught and nourished until, literally, they die. They become that "perpetual student." AND, when someone attempts to "graduate", thereby taking everything they've learned, to try to apply it to real life, they are met with great resistance by those "sitting" unless they are moving on to another "institution" of the church, ie. missions (as defined by the church), another church, seminary, etc.

I say all this, because it has very much been our experience. Because we did not move on to another recognized part of the church, we are continuing to deal with the fallout of that. We love all of those who are still in the "education" business. We applaud and support their efforts, but we have received very little of that back. What we are doing is still looked upon with great suspicion, and even resentment, by many. Can we not all embrace each other, cheer each other on, and realize that there is no one right way? In conversation with those who have chosen a similar path as ours, I find very little rancor against the church. What I do hear, and I feel myself, is confusion and hurt, that after being told all of those years to take it out, there were real stipulations and conditions on how that was supposed to look.

So it kind of comes down to unconditional love and a willingness to listen to another point of view. From both sides. Our door is ALWAYS open. Let's keep talking...

In case you were wondering...

Term: SPRING 2007
Course Name: CHEM 160
Course Title: CHEM, LEC/LAB
Grade: B
GPA: 3.0

Whew, am I ever glad this is over! :)

20 Years Today

20 years ago today, Mark and I promised to love and cherish each other.

The time has flown by, it hardly seems possible.

We've known each other for 38 years.

God knew what he was doing when he engineered the friendship between our families.

I'm so thankful that we were obedient to his urgings.

I'll love you forever, my friend, my love, my husband...

Jessi's a Freshman!

...and Zack's a Senior. How did this happen? We are so proud of both of them, and I am so glad they will have one year together in high school. Zack is already terrorizing Jessi with stories of Freshman Friday. I truly think they will enjoy their time together. Watch out Vanden!

Rily (Remember, I Love You) May 24 - June 8

I'll miss you, sweet baby...

Rock, Paper, Scissors

This past Thursday I was privy to watching the playground judicial system at work. I was pulling yard duty at recess and noticed a fairly heated game of "Switch" (ask your kids) going on. The game was getting intense, when sure enough, two boys stuck their foot in the same corner. There immediately rose a contention as to who was first. The call went out for the "judge" (the next person in line) to step forward. He did so very importantly, peered closely at the two feet and declared, "There is a tie!" At this point, I thought all #@*+ was going to break loose, (mind you these were 2nd and 3rd graders) but without missing a beat, the two tied boys stepped back, and calmly went into the rock, paper, scissors routine. One through a rock and the other scissors, and that was that.

It was all done with so little fuss. I couldn't help but think, "Man, wouldn't life be so much simpler if we could all just play Rock, Paper, Scissors and be done with it!"

What do you think?

Ahem, introducing...

Rily Lokomaika'i Ke Akua

AKA

Rily Grace

Welcome Baby!

Beautiful filly!
Hi guys!
Can I have a little kiss?
Wow, she's finally here! Ginger's baby arrived on May 24th at 8:15 am. We had been on foal watch since Sunday night, so we were really glad to finally meet her. 11 months is a long time to wait! She looks just like Ginger with a beautiful blaze and Ginger's rich copper coat. Yesterday she had about 10 visitors in addition to the 12 or 13 folks who have been living at the Dawson's since Sunday. Jessi, Alex, Hannah, Sammie, Amanda, Jessica, Samantha, and Peggy were all present for the delivery in addition to myself and Vicki. We had a couple of little complications, so the vet has already been out for the first visit, but overall, everything is WONDERFUL. I will have pictures up on Flickr in the next day or so, so keep an eye out for those. Thanks for all of y'all's prayers, excitement, and overall encouragement, and a special thanks to Tracy, Keith, Jacqui, Rich, Diane, and Dale, who lent us your children this week. It wouldn't have been the same without them!

She's due in 7 days...

Ginger's foal is due on May 23rd. It could happen anytime now, really. I try to go out to see her every day. My heart just swells with love every time I lay my hand on her big, awesome, belly. It is amazing to think that in just a week or so, we will all get to meet the baby inside. 11 months is such a long time to wait. Talking about how big it was as the weeks went by. "Now it's the size of a beagle, now it's about as big as a lamb, now it looks like Zoey." This is going to be one of the coolest things I have ever experienced. I've been around lots of mares and babies born, but they never belonged to me. I want to share it with everyone. The foal watches will begin soon. Just a few more things to do to the stall. I've thought about the actual moment of birth. I hope I will be there, but I hope even more, that Vicki will. She has taken such wonderful care of this mare of mine for the whole 11 months. The foal will belong to us all, but the bulk of its care will fall on Vicki. I love her because I know she loves doing it. Like she loves doing for all of us. I guess I hope most of all, that we will BOTH be there together, sharing the moment and looking forward to all that will follow...

Jessi wrote this amazing poem...

My Beautiful

As she gallops across the field,
I stare in awe
For she moves with beauty and grace.

She feels free
As her silky mane blows in the wind
And her radiant coat shines in the valley’s sun
She takes advantage of whatever chance she gets
To impress me,
For she does it quite often.

Her blaze shines bright beneath the deep blue sky
And her big belly full of foal.
Ten days until she is due to give birth.
She looks so beautiful today
As she always does.

My grandma turned 90 last week.

She is the most amazing women. Still lives at home, still cooks for her grandbabies and great grandbabies.

She makes the most delicious chocolate cake in the whole world, known far and wide by even the most extended and unrelated family. One year at a family reunion, I tried to hide the cake on top of the refrigerator because of course there was no way enough for everyone, so wouldn't it be better for her FAVORITE grandchild to be able to enjoy it with a few others after the crowd dissipated? After about the 10th person came in asking "Where is Grandma Ruby's chocolate cake?", I gave in and fessed it up.

Two years ago, Jessi, Zack, and I flew into Tampa on the red eye, with plans to go visit with Grandma for the day, and then head on up to my mom's house in Inverness. Jessi said to me on the way from the airport, " I wonder what Grandma Ruby is cooking us for breakfast? Do you think there will be BISCUITS?" I gently explained to her that Grandma had just recently returned home from a lengthy hospital stay, and that we might better not expect breakfast since it was only about 6:30 am. We walked into the house to the smell of sausage, the sound of eggs sizzling, and a big pan of grits on the stove. Ten minutes later, out came the buttermilk biscuits! Jessi just looked at me with a whole, "How can you doubt, Mom?"

When I joined the Army 25 years ago, I remember getting on the plane in Tampa, for Germany, having just came from Grandma's house, thinking, "Grandma's getting older, will this be the last time I see her?" I thought that again, when Mark and I took off for the Philippines in 1990, and then again in 1996 before we left for Okinawa. I don't think that anymore. I trust that Grandma will be here on earth for as long as God sees fit to keep her here, and that will be more than any of us can have ever dreamed, or deserved.

Grandma lived through World War I and II, working as an aircraft maintance person in WWII. This for a woman who never drove a car in my memory. (I think she had a license once very briefly). She was divorced at a time when divorce was not considered, yet she held her head high, and raised her family. She married another man carefully, knowing he would be all of our's grandpa. He was!

Our whole lives are wrapped up in my grandma. She is the glue that holds us all together. She sewed our clothes until we got to "old and sophisticated" to appreciate the love and effort. So, then she made us quilts with scraps of material from all of the clothes she had sewed for us. She still remembers every birthday and sends goodies for Christmas when she is able. Mississsippi Mud Pie and Cheese Bars. When I was home in January, she made me my own chocolate cake. I shared with everyone I could, (but I did hide the last piece!)

I love you, Grandma, you are the wisest, most wonderful woman I know!

I love artichokes!

Last night I had my first ever artichoke courtesy of Rich Crockett, who not only allowed me to eat the artichoke, but taught me how to prepare this amazing vegetable (which heretofore has COMPLETELY intimidated me), so that I might have lots more to eat now!

Thanks, Rich!

So, What Did You Do With YOUR Income Tax $$$ ?

He is risen!

He told them, "This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things.

Luke 24:46-48

Strengths

So we have been doing these strengthfinder surveys, and it has been an interesting process. Finding out what our own strengths are and how they tie in with everyone else's. For instance, I find that I share 3 of the 5 strengths with Steve T. Empathy, adaptability, and connectedness. Pretty cool, huh? We don't have all of the "results" in, but it's fun and informative. Of course, we have all been raised up to fix our weaknesses, as opposed to capitalizing on our strengths, so even now, we are tempted to look at the very thing that has been identified as a strength, as a weakness. It definitely causes a shift in our thinking. Kind of like the PIN thing that Jacqui has taught about. It is easy enough to build up and encourage others, but we tend to be hyper-critical of ourselves. Anyway, just random thoughts on a Thursday afternoon. By the way, my other two strengths are intellection and consistency. Go figure...

PS I LOVE YOU, KEVIN WINN!!!!

I'm typing one-handed cause I have a puppy on my chest...

Blind Edge

What's in a name really? I don't know, but we finally picked one last night, and it was just very cool. Not just the name, but the whole process. It was full of all the emotion, all the fears, all the strongness of us, but when it all was said and done, we picked one! Yes, just one. Everyone had a say, and everyone listened, although not always without comment :-), and it was good. I'm digging it, and I am digging all of you! Yeah...

Behold, The Horse!

This, my friends, is why I love Dressage!

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=zKQgTiqhPbw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPJGEzI3aIc&mode=related&search=

Enjoy!

I found 5 of these stone tablets and hung them on our fence recently just because I liked what they said. I was out doing my daily leaf count this morning on all of the trees in my yard and took this picture. This is the embodiment of what we are doing these days. And if you just kind of look at the surface of this, you think, " Yeah, we're doing that, and isn't it cool?" But you know what, it's also really hard. It's hard blending all of the personalities in the people we hang with. It's hard to always care when someone needs caring. It's hard to listen to someone sharing their problems when you just want to say, "Get a grip already!" To know that next time it might be you with the problem and the last thing you'll want to hear is "Get a grip!"

Why can't I be more compassionate?
Why do I have to be so practical?
What is wrong with me anyway, that I just don't seem to feel as deeply as everyone else?
Why do I have to be so honest right now?

Please everyone, call me on this stuff. Help me to understand your problems, so that I don't immediately want you to just get a grip. Don't stop talking to me and telling me what's going on in your lives, because now you know my secret thoughts when you do so. Tell me WHY you can't get a grip. Help me to become less pragmatic and more compassionate. Help me to know when my practical side is overpowering my feeling side. I know that too much EITHER way is not healthy. There has to be a balance. And please, please do not think that I am directing this at any of you. It is totally me, and what's wrong inside MY head. If you are reading this right now, know that I LOVE YOU! I love you with all of the good and the troubling.

And finally know this: The second part of this tablet has been no trouble for any of us. We laugh and dream together WELL, and easily.

Put your two lips, a little closer to the phone...and pretend that we're together, all alone...

I grew up listening to Marty Robbins, and I can never think of tulips without that song coming to mind....

Aren't these beautiful?